A Little Bit of Pure Life

   

One of my beautiful sisters, Caitlin, got married on February 14, Valentine's Day to Blake Larsen in the San Diego LDS Temple. They are wonderful and happy as ever, Cait just has to make it through her last semester before graduation, I know she'll conquer! It was a joyous occasion to watch the power of the sealing distill upon them and pronounce them together for eternity, nothing compares. Similarly nothing compares to spending time with my family watching them grow up and grow older. Bringing Brielle into that mix warmed my heart and made it very hard to leave. She deserves to know them the way I do, to feel of their strength and personality, to have their positive influences and love. It's always hard to part but I am so grateful for the memories made.

(Auntie Bop, Cousin Atlas, Great-grandma, and Teagan's Soccer game/award luncheon)

(Getting pampered and loved)

(Hanging out and looking cute, enjoying Auntie Tea and Ri's Airbands Dance Group)

(getting ears pierced, eating pupusas, and sitting in a grocery cart for the first time)

(Out on a walk at the end of Zooma's ride, Uncle Jaren hanging out during the start of baseball season, Jaren and Mom going to his school Mom and Me dance)

Tyler drove back to Utah on his own after the wedding in order to get back to work, he is so unselfish and made it through a week of solitude while we stayed in San Diego, soaking up the sun and everything "Gardner. " 

This left Brielle and me to hop on a plane on our way back home the next week, I was nervous to fly with her, she is an amazing baby, but really squirmy and energetic especially if she doesn't get her naps in. I know how pleasant people can being about crying babies on a plane, not to mention she developed a ROAR over the previous week, so lively growling had replaced the sleepy whine and squeak. We took a seat and she began well, I had packed everything possible to help her in her journey, had a bottle prepared for take off and touch down to help with her little ears and even downloaded some fun distracting apps, but when you are tired, you're just tired and soon the little lion came out. I became emotional, and about at that time a woman behind me said so sweetly, "I just want you to know that if you need to get up to use the restroom, I'd be happy to hold your baby, and also don't you worry a bit about her crying." She sang to my soul. The lady sitting next to me responded in a similar fashion, patting my shoulder and reassuring me, "Let me know if there is anything I can do for you." How are people so nice? I couldn't figure out at that point if I was still crying because I was a bit overwhelmed or so moved beyond myself that complete strangers, making their way to my layover in Oakland, CA, would be so understanding and kind. I held my sweet Brielle and did what I could to rock her to sleep, it took some major endurance, she's a natural athlete already, and even more praying but Heavenly Father heard my prayer and she eventually fell asleep for the remainder of the flight. This occurrence gave me even more strength for the flight home from Oakland to SLC. I had an empty seat next to me on the way and a sweet teenage girl that enjoyed playing with Brielle. We still had to fight our way to sleep again but we made it home and I was so grateful to see "our Daddy", Tyler, at the airport, my other half and strength.

I know that all you seasoned travelers out there with multiples of children may think this a little dramatic, but it was something I had to overcome and get through, and thanks to the spontaneous comfort of strangers it will be easier next time. I will always hear their words of encouragement. I was the vulnerable one in this situation and that is something that I hadn't felt in a great long time. Those women didn't see me, a former sixth grade teacher used to managing a range of pre-teen emotions, they didn't see a woman who lead crowds of teenagers through the streets of South America, they didn't see an athlete that fights for the win on the field, they saw a vulnerable and apologetic new mother who needed a helping hand and encouraging word, even now it sinks deep into my soul that my Heavenly Father would seat these women next to me. He will never leave us comfortless. What a testament of his love. 

Just a few days later we prepared for our sealing to our sweet baby Brielle. We were so excited and moved for the chance to make our family eternal and to seal us to those that have gone before and are yet to come. What we didn't anticipate was the extent and spectrum of joy and gratitude we'd feel that day.  When Tyler and I were sealed it was magical, and one of the happiest days of my life . However six years of marriage and a travel log filled with ups, downs, twists and turns especially as we were doing all we could to get our family to grow, supplies greater perspective and vision as to how the Lord knows us and has the most perfect plan. 

Kelly, Brielle's birth mom told us, even when she was pregnant, that she had the goal to be able to attend Brielle's temple sealing, sixth months after her birth. We could have never imagined the power of that promise. We couldn't believe how quickly that day came, but how much had happened within that time period as well. The suffering birth moms go through, the heartbreak and challenge with her decision to place can be haunting and troubling to say the least, but she's borne that grief with our Brielle in mind, and even more with the Savior, and Redeemer of our grief by her side.  The joy that we've experienced as a family of three is unlike any feeling I've ever experienced otherwise, oh how I wish my gratitude could be truly expressed to all of those who have made this all possible, most especially to Kel.  

We dressed in our white temple clothes and they treated Tyler and me like we were a new groom and bride. The workers played sweetly with Brielle in the nursery as other preparations were made for the sealing, and Tyler and I were able to enjoy the serenity and peace of the temple together, to reflect upon the numerous blessings we had been given over our time as a couple and to remember the extent of our Father's and Savior's love for His children. We sat there thinking of Brielle, calling out her sweet nicknames and smiling, so excited for the events of the day shortly to come. We met the sealer and were impressed with his wisdom and kindness. I remembered from time to time that truly our family of four were all together in the temple that day, that Brielle's little sister would have a front row seat to the whole experience. But interesting enough, I never felt inclined to say it out loud, there were too many words and emotions we were attempting to take in and express with the grandeur of events of the day, our sweet Brielle, miracle of a daughter.

We entered the sealing room and saw so many faces of those who had been with us step-by-step through infertility, through marriage, through life, some from the time we were barely walking others sent so recently to give us hope. I couldn't stop smiling, the spirit in the room and the sacredness of that day was undeniable. Tyler and I took the next Monday to write down our reflections of that event in our journals, and I finally took the time to ponder upon a unique feeling/impression I had at that time. I remembering looking at a few of the empty chairs in the room over and over again and feeling like they were so out of place, I didn't look at them once, or even twice but many times throughout the course of the time in the sealing room. That room was packed with people, it felt so filled with love and presence, I just kept seeing those empty chairs and trying to make sense of what my eyes were seeing compared to what my soul was feeling. How was there room for empty chairs, there are too many people here for that to even be possible. I realized how thin the veil between this life and the life to come is, I know others were there, I did not see them, but I felt them pack in next to us, all witnessing this ordinance; My family, Tyler's Family, Kelly's family, bringing all into the unity of faith, not even mortality could keep us from being together.  

Some said they were sitting in the room wondering where Kelly was, but at the moment the sealer said Brielle could be brought in, the door was open and you could hear Brielle's sweet happy squeal. We turned to the sound and saw the most beautiful, glowing, radiant pair of people enter the room. Kelly was holding Brielle, they both were dressed in all white smiling ear to ear. Brielle's face lit right up when she saw Tyler and me and we couldn't help but smile and giggle a bit right back at her. How sweet to have our baby in the temple with us. Kelly was directed to come to and kneel next to Tyler and me with Brielle. If you can imagine the room becoming even more reverent as Kelly neared the alter bringing her first born and laying her there, presenting her to us and God in His holy house. There are very few of us who will ever be asked to perform such a literal act as laying our all on the alter. I am so grateful that she was there with us, it felt complete and so right. I am thankful for her strength, vision and unselfishness. Brielle, as the rest of us will honor her forever. I will keep this memory with me as an inspiration and reminder for the rest of my life, am I giving my all to the Lord?

Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid?
Your heart, does the Spirit control?
You can only be blest,
And have peace and sweet rest,
As you yield Him your body and soul.

Would you walk with the Lord,
In the light of His Word,
And have peace and contentment alway?
You must do His sweet will,
To be free from all ill,

On the altar your all you must lay. 

Elisha Hoffman, "Is Your All on the Alter?"

The sealer began the short sealing ordinance, and Brielle turned and smiled at Tyler when his named was said, and then she turned to me when my name was pronounced and as though it could be choreographed or planned. She then turned all the way around to Kelly with that infinite grin, many said they received the impression that she knew, even better than us, that God's plan was being fulfilled at that alter, that day. 

 Matthew 18: 3 "And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19: 14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

(With Kelly, with all the Grandparents, with all our friends and family)

(ETERNITY)

There is a lot more that I wrote in my journal about this day, but suffice it to say, it was holy. I look at my sweet Brielle, and know that she has now been sealed not only ours but into the whole covenant family, she has a long life ahead of her, and many decisions that she'll have to make on her own. She will have to develop her own faith in Christ and testimony of His gospel. Even with the lovely blessing her father gave her the next day in church, promising she will be a courageous example of Jesus Christ, she is the one that must choose that path. I am grateful for the decisions I've been trusted to make in my life, I have learned that His path is the most perfect and will never fail. 

What a blessed life we lead.